Obong Bassey Inuaeyen, a top business man and topflight politician is the Chancellor of Ibom Patriots, a reputable association of eminent personalities in Akwa Ibom State. Inuaeyen, a scion of the highly respected royal Inuaeyen family in Ini Local Government Area will this weekend join his in-laws, the Onike family of Amatutu village in Agulu town, Anambra State, to bid their matriarch, Mrs. Caroline Onike, who died at age 86 farewell. The chancellor who took time off to speak with Crystal Express on some issues equally paid glowing tribute to her late mother-in-law in this interview.
Excerpts
You are the chancellor of Ibom Patriots, a group of eminent personalities from Akwa Ibom State. How far has your group gone in ensuring a better Akwa Ibom State for her people?
We are waxing very strong and meeting once in a while, however, you may not have heard much from us like you did during the political era when we were very vocal about our support for the governor’s re-election. We were then in media limelight because of our loud support for Governor Udom Emmanuel. Ibom Patriots are populated by professionals; some are active politicians like me, while we also have technocrats, academicians and others who are not being seen talking in the media.
Recently we came out openly to express our position on what the Presidential Task Force on Covid-19 (PTF) was doing which was not enough; one of which was centralizing the information management system and relying basically on television and radio channels to disseminate information to Nigerians. We advised that not every Nigerian has access to television or radio.
Secondly, not everybody has the luxury of the time to listen to PTF on Covid-19 and even those who have the time may not have public power to watch and listen. So we saw the loopholes and made our suggestions not just to criticize. We asked that they should decentralize the information management system so that the states will be involved in the information management. That they should also ensure every state has a laboratory/testing centre to test people so that each state can do their testing and pass the information to PTF to confirm and announce. We want local government councils to be involved in the information management because creating awareness is more important.
Right now Covid-19 has no known cure, so all we are doing is preventive measures to stop the spread. We need every Nigerian to be aware of those preventive measures because once people are aware, it becomes their own responsibility to make sure that they don’t risk their lives neither do they risk the lives of their children or family members. In governance, Governor Udom Emmanuel is doing very well. God has a way of bringing out a leader for a particular season. None of us anticipated coronavirus pandemic and Governor Emmanuel is on top of the situation here. He is doing a fantastic job in containing the virus in the state.
Related: COVID-19 Management: Ibom Patriots Outlines Demands from PTF, FG
We applaud him and expect every Akwa Ibomite to also see reasons to appreciate him. We also have the economic implication of the pandemic and we need somebody with vast knowledge to handle a situation like we have now. Our governor is equipped intellectually to manage post-Covid-19 challenges. So far the indications are good to show that the government is on the right track by putting up a committee to make positive impacts on her to revive and sustain the economy after the pandemic. That is the way to go because the governor has involved other knowledgeable hands to assist him in navigating the challenges ahead.
On Friday, you will lead your friends, colleagues and the good people of Akwa Ibom to give your mother-in-law a befitting burial in Agulu, Anambra State. Many are already surprised that you went as far as the South-East to find a wife. Are you surprised too?
(Laughs) I always tell people that I married out of love, not just for marrying sake. I needed somebody that I love and will love me in return and I found that person in Anambra State.
As a young man I know we have pretty and good ladies from Akwa Ibom and Cross River but I found myself where God put me today. When I saw my wife, my heart went after her. I did not know where she hailed from then but when we started getting along I realized that she’s an Igbo girl from Anambra State. As we continued interacting, we developed strong friendship and bond. One day she inquired of my country home in the then Cross River State and I told her it was Ikot Ekpene axis. A message she received with mixed feelings. She however explained that being the first daughter (Ada as they are referred in Igbo land), it was near impossible for her to be allowed to marry outside her community, much less of a strange land.
We have special love for each other and it was also an uphill task to convince my own parents that my choice of a wife is an Igbo girl. We tried giving up a couple of times telling ourselves that there is no need embarking on a project that will not work. I felt we stood no chance owing to the circumstances but on one Easter period I resolved to visit her parents and revealed my intentions. Before then I had made trips to Agbor to just look for her, and most times it turned out fruitless because there was no telephone communication. In one of such visits I would just stop over at one Onix supermarket and buy some provisions while looking out for her. However as time grew, we found out that we had intense love for each other beyond what we could control and on that fateful Easter I decided to face the parents and have my fate decided.
A friend of hers, Ngozi Eke, was there and she decided to follow us. I was ready to face anything at that time. On arrival, I met her parents who were good Christians and they welcomed me. My mother-in-law interrogated me when I told her I’m from Ini in the then Cross River State. She asked me questions which showed that she was familiar with the area. I told her my intention for marrying her daughter and she explained that there was a problem, that the first daughter doesn’t marry outside their community but that she liked me. She also said that she had been in the forefront of championing the aspect of their tradition and she wouldn’t know how to confront her friends to tell them that her own first daughter would be married to a stranger from another state. I told her mother that I didn’t know how she would go about it but that I sincerely loved the daughter and was ready to marry her.
The father opted to face the consequences at home and that was the nature of the father-in-law I had. My mother-in-law, knowing the challenges at hand, asked me to go to Benin and see her uncle who also interrogated me. The uncle asked if my proposed wife had told me that she was of royalty and I kept quiet. After repeatedly asking me same question my wife then replied him that I came from the lineage of kings too. I also told the uncle that royalty flows in my lineage. The uncle laughed and described me as a lucky man saying that my wife is a well-trained and very obedient child. My mother-in-law’s sister whom we also visited rose in our support.
The next day we left for Akwa Ibom, it was my wife’s first visit. However, her mother had visited Cross River in the past and was familiar with some of our ways of life.
During the journey to Nkari, I discovered that my wife was crying and when I inquired from her, she said my village was very far and I told her that her own village was also far for me but I endured. When we got to the village, my people trooped in to meet my wife and a party erupted. My wife was pleased with the reception from my kinsmen who came to see their new wife but there was a snag from my mother who initially resented the marriage but later gave her approval. In the morning, my wife properly tidied up the entire compound and my aunt was thrilled. She lent her support immediately to my marrying my wife. My community was agog throughout the night and we returned the next day.
On 13th of May, 1985, our traditional marriage was held at Agulu and the event was unique; my mother was part of the delegation to Agulu. My mum was the same person who brought out her money and asked me to use it for dowry that she was to marry for me. In a nutshell we met all the expectations of the Agulu people and the marriage was consummated. They sang a special song for me to express their satisfaction with my efforts.
When I decided to marry, the least in my heart was trivial issues such as tribe and race. I was searching for love, true love and one who loves me back possibly on equal terms and I found the person in my present wife. We have been married since 1985 and I can tell you that we have had very few disagreements and we’ve never had issues which involved a third party settlement. Our marriage remains a near perfect union.
We had our initial challenges. We couldn’t have kids until after seven years, in which case our faith and love was tested. I recall resisting pressure over the issue even from my own family; I refused to be talked into going to any shrine, prayer house or any place in search of anything. I told myself that I married my wife out of love and if it was God’s wish that we remain childless, so be it. I told my parents in particular that they have other children that can give them grandchildren and for me and my wife we will only look up to God for the fruit of the womb. I warned my wife against visiting any prayer house or native doctor but should remain faithful to the Almighty God. However, an incident happened that almost caused me to change my resolve, but I held on to my vow.
As pressures came, I was forced to cry to God in deep tears. I challenged God to prove Himself to me. We put ourselves through medical checks and were certified healthy by a doctor and in less than one month from then my wife became pregnant. I keep saying that I am an embodiment of God’s grace. God has been faithful to me and that is my covenant with God. Then my daughter came, followed by my son and we are happily married till date. What was then sorrow turned out to be joy and sunshine in our lives.
How would you describe the person of your late mother-in-law who will be laid to rest in Agulu, Anambra State, this weekend?
The passage of my mother-in-law was a big tragedy. The woman from the day I visited her home to seek her daughter’s hand in marriage showed me love, care and compassion. I had a very warm and good relationship with my mother-in-law. No matter how angry she’d get, the moment I arrived her mood would change to a happy one and she would strive to give me a good home cooked meal, especially Onugbu soup.
Throughout their lifetime, it was peaceful and joyful coexistence between my father- and mother-in-law. My father-in-law basically passed on in my house because all his treatment then was done in Lagos and he returned to Agbor and slept in the Lord. It was in 2007 and is still very painful to us. My mother-in-law was very happy anytime she came around to our Lagos home and you could see that radiating around her.
Language barrier was no problem as we had our way of communicating. I don’t speak Igbo and she couldn’t speak Ibibio but we tried to communicate in every way possible. I believe she also honoured all in-laws the same way but I like to believe she regarded me specially, perhaps it’s because I was the only son-in-law from another tribe in her family. She was so dear to me. I was still hoping to enjoy her motherly love and care before death struck.
Death had stolen three major things in my life that are painful to me. First was my mother in 2016. It was like piercing a sharp knife through my chest. I wept for my mother’s demise even at old age and until her burial. When I cleaned my tears, I had my mother-in-law there who was another mother figure in my life and I enjoyed her companion. She took ill and spent over a year in Lagos and recovered. It started again and got even worse; she was given the best medical treatment. The day I embraced her on her sick bed, she said “Obong, I know with you here I will not die” and I told her she would live and I’d stand by her. I told her she would be alive for us because we loved her. The last time the sickness came again in Agbor we were told that her condition was such that she couldn’t fly or even travel by road.
We were told to allow her stabilize, we never expected her death. Two days to her death she spoke again and she assured me that she would live but by next day her health deteriorated. The next morning, we were told that she had passed on and the death struck my heart very badly and I wept bitterly. I told God that after losing my mother I took respite in my mother-in-law and now she too had gone, and tears flowed freely from my eyes once again. She gave up the ghost on exactly 16th February, 2020. This was one great woman who trained her children well, supported her husband’s business, and extended love and compassion to her in-laws – a love of peace and unity, a quintessential mother-in-law anybody will wish to have.
Last year I lost my brother, but this one is very painful, I really wish she lived a little longer. However we give thanks to God for her life because she lived a very remarkable life on earth and left inedible legacies for us on earth to be consoled in them.
We will give her a befitting burial this weekend. We had made an elaborate plan to give her a unique burial but COVID-19 came. Notwithstanding, with the new window outside the initial lockdown we decided to act quickly.
She lived a life worth emulating. She died a good woman who we are all proud of. She served the Lord till her last moments on earth. She left a very wonderful family behind on earth and I tell you the truth, we will miss her. May her kind, loving, peaceful and gentle soul find permanent rest in the bosom of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
