Raising Emotionally Intelligent Boys: Panacea For Parental Guidance In Raising Better Future Husbands
By Mercy Obot
There was an adorable viral video on social media recently that captured a heartwarming moment between two children in an eatery. The mother of the girl was heard telling her to choose an ice cream flavour, and as she was making her way to select a dessert, a boy who was already standing in the same spot accidentally bumped into her.
Instead of reacting impulsively, the boy apologised, gently held the little girl’s hand, and gave it a tender kiss. The girl’s blushing smile said it all.
This moment showcases his exceptional character, demonstrating kindness, empathy and respect – essential components of emotional intelligence. It also portrays a boy who is being groomed to be a perfect gentleman, with values that will serve him well in future relationships.
However, this attitude contrasts with the patriarchal system in Nigeria, where men expressing emotions are often seen as weak or inferior. While on the contrary, girls are often encouraged to exhibit maturity in expressing emotions as they are expected to be kind, resilient and more compassionate to people.
This creates an imbalance in upbringing between boys and girls.
Aligning with this, studies generally indicate that girls exhibit higher levels of emotional intelligence (EI) than boys, a difference that is also observed in marital contexts.
Researchers have found that women tend to score higher than men on measures of emotional intelligence, including recognizing and managing their own emotions, understanding others’ emotions and managing relationships.
This poses a societal problem, and there is an urgent need for parents and guardians to change this narrative by intentionally grooming their male children and wards to inculcate these valuable traits.
According to John D. Mayer and Peter Salovey, the creators of the concept of emotional intelligence (EI), emotional intelligence is the ‘ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.
Moreso, there are four key areas of emotional intelligence, which include identifying emotions, empathy, healthy communication and maintaining relationships.
In the aspect of identifying emotions, boys must be educated on how to recognise emotions in themselves and others through facial expressions, body language and tone of voice. This will help them express emotions accurately and communicate their emotional needs effectively.
This can be done through open conversations about feelings, encouraging boys to express their emotions and helping them label these emotions accurately. For example, it is okay for a child to cry in their parents’ arms, and their feelings should be validated.
Another crucial trait is empathy. It is essential that a boy child not only identifies people’s emotions but also considers others’ feelings and perspectives. He understands that people can have different ideologies due to their diverse experiences, backgrounds and cultures.
Activities such as volunteering in humanitarian services and engaging in conversations with different perspectives can help him inculcate empathy traits.
One of the critical elements of emotional intelligence is healthy communication.
Teaching a boy child how to express emotions healthily is vital. He also learns active listening in the process. With this, he will be able to communicate effectively with his future spouse, listen attentively when she talks to him and resolve conflict situations. The important components of knowing how to build a strong relationship can never be compromised.
Furthermore, a boy child needs to be enlightened on how to maintain a healthy relationship by understanding and managing not only his emotions but also others’ and valuing people. With this knowledge, he can turn out to be a supportive partner to his wife in the future.
Overall, it is crucial for parents to intentionally demonstrate emotional intelligence traits to their children.
By modelling healthy emotional expression, empathy, effective communication and building valuable relationships, they are setting their children up for success in their future relationships and helping them develop into emotionally intelligent individuals.
With these aforementioned character traits, the rate of domestic abuse, spousal battery and other forms of gender-based issues among couples will significantly decrease.
This is achievable when men are equipped with emotional intelligence, enabling them to manage conflicts and relationships effectively.
Notably, instilling these traits in a son from a young age is far easier than trying to inculcate them in a husband later on.
Therefore, parents are urged to be intentional in nurturing their male children with emotional intelligence. By doing so, they would become responsible individuals and loving partners, contributing to a more harmonious society.
